People call it the terrible twos, but it’s really the ‘autonomous twos’, according to child psychologists, on account of the naturally self-centred ways of two year olds. So whether you’re dealing with little people who won’t share, tantrums or episodes of hitting, we have pooled together five hard-and-fast rules for managing toddler behaviour.
-
Know Their Triggers: You can prevent some bad behaviour altogether by anticipating when it’s going to happen… and either removing the toddler or the trigger from the situation. Whether you’re simply hiding the TV remote to stop them from turning on the television when they’re not supposed to, or bringing along toys to distract a toddler from ‘boring’ food shopping trips, the very best way to manage bad behaviour is if you can stop it in its tracks altogether! Distraction is a huge part of this, so work out what sort of things you can ask (or offer) a toddler to stop naughty behaviour before it spirals.
-
Pick Your Battles: Work out what’s fundamentally important (their own safety, for example) and fight those battles – not every single one. Trying to correct all undesirable behaviour in a toddler will not only exhaust you, but a toddler will likely start to tune out all those reprimands so that all becomes meaningless noise. And we don’t want that!
-
Consistency is Key: “If your reaction to a situation keeps changing - one day you let them throw a ball in the house and the next you don’t - you’ll confuse them with mixed signals,” says Claire Lerner, LCSW, director of parenting resources with Zero to Three, a charity promoting healthy child development. From age 2-3, children are working out how their actions impact upon the world around them, so help them out by giving the same reaction every time they repeat a certain behaviour – positive and negative. Sadly there’s no telling how long it will take for the penny to drop and when a toddler will stop doing something they’re not supposed to, but you can do your bit by constantly reinforcing that response.
-
Give Them Time Out: … Not a ‘naughty step.’ Put a serious look on your face and give them a chance to stop (or start) what they’re supposed or not supposed to be doing, and let them know that they’re heading for a ‘time out’ if the situation doesn’t change very quickly (you can count down if you like but make sure you follow up once you get to zero!) If all else fails, take them to that safe space in the house you’ve designated for time outs, for calming down, or simply for thinking. Setting a timer they can see is a good idea, as is a big hug once the timer has gone off.
- Empower Them: So much of toddler behaviour is about power and independence, so give your toddler plenty of options to explore and assert both in a safe way. Ask them which colour socks they’d like to wear, or offer them a range of (reasonable) suggestions for their tea, and you’ll be satisfying their innate urge to take control.
Over to you, nannies! We would love to hear what tips and tricks you use to manage issue with toddler behaviour. Visit our Facebook page and share your best advice with the nanny community, and don’t forget to share this article!